only if we run a train.
done.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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