Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
