I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize