If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
