:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
