I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
