Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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