A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
