If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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