Can Purell be used as lube?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
