awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
