shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
