Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
