absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
