I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize