he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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