Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...