i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I looked at my own cervix.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I swiped left on my soulmate