never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is