I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
