T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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