I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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