Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
