Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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