and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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