at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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