Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
