Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
