I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
