There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
