She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
