My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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