I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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