God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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