i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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