ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
