sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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