i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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