just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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