you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
