so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
