I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
