they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm at about main and main street
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
