There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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