My nipple is on Facebook.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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