the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
