We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
