oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You ate ashes out of my bong
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