Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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