Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
