sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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