i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
