I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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