I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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