When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
