why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
