Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
