I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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