At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
