I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My pussy is not your playground.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
