Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
