I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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