and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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