Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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