Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He passed out mid-signature
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
