Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
