I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
