At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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