Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
