Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
