I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
